Say You Won't Let Go
by astronaut10
Summary: A quick, cute Keenler one shot set in Season 5, episode 4. Might continue if people enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Say You Won't Let Go

**A/N: Hey guys, it's me astronaut10! I haven't written a lot of fics lately as I've been swamped with school, but I had time tonight to watch Season 5 episode 4 of the Blacklist tonight and it totally tugged at my heartstrings! I almost cried and I thought that it would've been a cute Keenler moment if they'd carried it on, so here we are! Hope that you guys enjoy, and I'm praying with all my heart that these two get together in Season 7!**

Liz wiped her eyes as she slowly made her way from the FBI Cadillac that she'd just parked to the massive yellow elevator that would take her down to the Post Office. She just didn't understand. Why was she crying so much over this case? Why did it feel like someone had attached a lead weight to her heart and no matter how hard she tried, it just wouldn't lift? She sniffled as she got into the elevator, pressing the button. The door rustled closed, and Liz prayed to God that no one from the task force was still down there.

_How could that woman have been so brave? _Liz thought to herself.

_How could she just give up her life? _As much as she wanted to question it, Liz already knew the answer deep down. She knew that if it came to it, she would do the same for Agnes. She'd do anything to protect her. Liz's stomach turned as she questioned, _could I? _

_Of course I'd do that for Agnes. Any mother would. It's natural._ The elevator came to a smooth stop, the door rustling open again, and Liz nearly collapsed with relief when she saw that the place was dark, devoid of life. Good. No one could see her crying right now. Liz swallowed back a lump in her throat as she walked to hers and Ressler's office. If she could keep herself together for a few more minutes until she got home, that would be a miracle. Opening the door silently, she flicked on the light, its rays pouring across the room as she made her way to her desk and her purse. Reaching for it, Liz grabbed it swiftly and began packing all of her files and paperwork that she needed to at least get a head start on tonight, her movements fast, before she heard a deep male voice behind her.

"Keen?" Liz jumped a foot in the air at the sound of Ressler's voice, her bag slipping from her hands and spilling her neatly organized files into a disastrous array on the floor.

"R-Ressler?" She sputtered, staring at him in wide-eyed shock. Ressler chuckled as he bent down, gathering Liz's papers.

"Jeez, Keen, I was just saying your name, not threatening to kill you." Liz frowned, placing her hands on her hips.

"Well, when you sneak up on someone like that it's only natural to be scared!" Ressler just chuckled again before handing the stack of papers back to Liz, which she packed into her bag as fast as she could without wrecking them. After she'd finished, Liz turned back to Ressler, an inquisitive twinkle in her eye.

"Why are you still here, anyway? Hasn't everyone left for the day?" Ressler seemed to tense up, licking his lips and looking in a different direction as he tended to do when he was nervous.

"I, uh, I was, um, just doing the paperwork for this last case. It was a big one." He just nearly stopped himself from spilling the truth about his relationship with Prescott; he wanted to tell Liz, but he knew that it was the wrong thing to do. He was a big boy; he could handle his problems himself. Liz's eyes narrowed a slight bit; she knew he was lying, but chose not to say anything.

"I see." Her mouth turned up at the corners into a sly smirk, practically screaming _I know you're lying, but I'll drag this out a bit longer._ Ressler's mouth twitched at the corners in amusement. Two could play at this game.

"What are you doing here so late, Keen?" He asked, meaning to tease her more than anything. Liz froze up at the question, her fingers tightening against the edge of the desk where she was now leaning. Memories of what she'd seen tonight flooded her mind, and she shook her head, trying to dispel it. Ressler's smirk disappeared as he watched her. Something was wrong. It wasn't like Keen to act like this; and if the fear and sadness in her eyes weren't enough to guess that something bad had happened on the case, the tears forming at the corners were. Ressler took a step forward, reaching out a hand as if to graze her arm.

"Keen?" He asked softly, watching her eyes. Liz shook her head, hastily wiping at her eyes even as they clouded with more sadness and fear.

"Did something go wrong with the case?" Liz's breath hitched, and she nodded, wiping her eyes again.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry, Ressler, I don't mean to cry in front of you," Liz breathed, her voice breaking.

"It's just that... a lot of things happened." Liz took a deep breath, not trusting herself to say more. Ressler nodded slowly in understanding.

"What happened?" He questioned, watching her face as it contorted with pain. Liz breathed out, wiping her eyes yet again as she moved her gaze to meet his. Those eyes were enough to still Ressler's heart; clearly something bad had happened. Something really bad.

"The-the woman; Ahmad, that we were supposed to bring in. I lied to you guys. I didn't lose her before you guys got there; I helped her and her son escape." There was a charged silence, neither saying anything, until Liz spoke again.

"He-he's terminally sick, and I couldn't just leave him for you guys to arrest. Plus, I didn't have much choice in the matter because Reddingto directed the whole thing. But he-he took them to a warehouse where they set up a hospital room of sorts, and had surgeons waiting. And her son was wheeled toward the surgeons while the mom was waiting with Red and I, but then the surgeon asked for the donor and-" Liz's words came out in a warbled rush, but she had to stop for a moment, tears tracking down her face.

"And then-she said that she was the donor. And she shot herself in the head, donating her blood and organs to her son." Liz's voice broke, and she gasped for air as her throat tightened.

"How can someone be that brave, Ressler? How can-how can someone have so much hope and courage?" Liz buried her face in her hands, sobbing as Ressler stood by, unsure of what to say.

"I'm so scared," Liz whispered after a few moments.

"I'm so scared that I wouldn't be brave enough to do the same; that I couldn't sacrifice myself for my child, or Tom, or anyone else." Liz's sobs grew even louder.

"I feel-I feel so guilty for getting to live with my child when she doesn't get to live with her own." Ressler's heart shattered at those words. How could Keen be thinking these things? He slowly walked forward, reaching out.

"Keen, come here." Liz stopped crying for a moment, looking up to stare at Ressler. His blue eyes shone with sadness as he saw her own glittering with it too, her mascara also beginning to run down her cheeks. Sniffling for a moment, Liz began to break down again, and Ressler was just about to wrap his arms around her when she lunged at him, wrapping her arms around his neck so tightly he could barely breathe and burying her face into his chest. Sobbing silently, Liz clutched his suit jacket, his warmth and sense of protection like a lifeline. It was a moment before Ressler's own arms came up around her, clutching her just as tightly as she was clutching him.

"You dummy," Liz choked, her voice thick with tears.

"Why is it that you're the only person who can see right through me?" Ressler smiled silently against her hair as he held her, not trusting himself to let her go anytime soon.

"Because I know you, Keen. At least, I'd hope so after working with you for over 4 years." A small, weak laugh escaped Liz's lips, and she closed her eyes as she continued to hug Ressler, letting his warm, comforting embrace calm her mind and heart.

"Just say you won't let go, ok? I don't know if I'll be able to hold myself up." Ressler's laugh rumbled through his chest and through her, making Liz smile just a tiny bit.

"Whatever you say, Keen," he said, holding her just a bit tighter than he did before.


	2. Chapter 2

Say You Won't Let Go Chapter 2

The next morning at the Post Office went as usual for all the agents, everyone coming in on time and sitting themselves down at their desks or doing other tasks, the sounds of fingers hastily pressing the keys on keyboards and idle conversation filling the silence of the massive space. Elizabeth Keen walked into her and Ressler's shared office, looking put together but exhausted. She slightly adjusted her tight bun as she went over to her desk, smiling when Ressler silently handed her a cup of coffee on her way. Taking a sip, her smile widened when she realized it had two creams and one sugar, just the way she liked it. Of course Ressler knew how she took her coffee. She saw that he already had a steaming mug himself, the liquid dark and unyielding; black, of course, just the way he liked it. Liz chuckled a bit to herself as she put her bag down at her desk, pulling out her chair. Ressler really was a grumpy stickler.

"Morning, Ressler," she greeted finally as she took another sip of coffee, remnants of the drink sticking to her lips when she pulled the cup away.

"Morning, Keen," he greeted back, eyes never raising to meet her own from the massive stack of paperwork that always, always seemed to plague their desks.

"More paperwork?" she asked, voice filled with dread. Ressler replied unceremoniously,

"Yup." Liz groaned as she glanced at her own paperwork. She hadn't even finished what she'd taken home last night.

"Can't Reddington just give us another case? Or something? I would rather do anything other than paperwork right now." Ressler chuckled as he finally raised his clear blue eyes to look at her.

"Come on, Keen, it's not that bad. I'm sure Reddington will give us a case soon. Stop moping and get to work, you have coffee." Liz pouted.

"Coffee isn't enough, Ressler."

"Well, it's going to have to be." Liz groaned again as she heaved herself into a sitting position, reluctantly grabbing a pen from the little pen holder she had on her desk and sliding the first sheet off her pile of paperwork.

"Sometimes I really hate you, you know that?" She said, touching the tip of the pen to the paper and allowing ink to flow across the page. Ressler just chuckled in response. Despite her sour mood over having to do paperwork, Liz couldn't deny that hearing Ressler laugh made her feel more at ease than anything else in the world. After all, it was very rare that he laughed, or even smiled at all.

...

A couple of hours later, Liz and Ressler were still doing paperwork, the sounds of their pens scratching against the paper the only sound that could be heard in the small office. They continued for a couple more minutes before Liz finally let out a long sigh, dropping her pen and putting her head in her arms.

"This is too much. I can't focus anymore," she groaned, catching Ressler's attention. He snorted, shaking his head as he stared at Liz.

"Come on, Keen. You're almost done," he said, gesturing to the now small pile of only 5 or 6 papers left on Liz's desk. Liz slowly raised her head, glaring at him.

"I don't care if there was one left, Ressler, I don't want to do paperwork anymore. It's all I've been doing for the past few days, and I'm sick of it. I want to be out in the field, solving cases. That's what really matters." Ressler looked down, biting and licking his lips like he normally did when he was nervous or unsure of what to say.

"I get it, Keen, but this job isn't always about saving people. It's also about following the law, which we have to do as government agents." Liz sighed, the air that was being blown out of her mouth shifting her bangs. For a split second, Ressler couldn't help but notice how beautiful it made her look.

_Stop being stupid, _he chastised himself. _Liz is in love with Tom, not you. _

Staring at her, Ressler couldn't help but smile. Liz could be a handful sometimes, but he truly was grateful to have her as his partner. After contemplating for a few moments on how to fix Liz's current paperwork ailment, Ressler finally came to a decision.

"Hey, Keen, come on. Let's go for a walk." Liz looked at him again, unamused.

"Walk where?" Ressler smirked.

"To go get coffee." Liz snorted.

"Really? Coffee?" Ressler smirked again, his smirk growing even wider.

"Well, Keen, for one, going for a walk is good for your health, two clearly you need it since your mood just keeps getting worse and three you've also drank all your coffee so I don't see how it couldn't be a beneficial trip."

Liz still looked unamused, but after seeing the smug look on Ressler's face, she finally gave in, getting up and allowing a small smile to cross her face as she passed him on her way to the door.

"Smartass," she said airily as she opened it, walking through, with Ressler close on her heels.

"What did you say, Keen?" Ressler asked, pretending to act bothered as he followed her.

"Oh nothing, nothing," Liz said, smirking. Ressler chuckled.

"Being cheeky doesn't get you anywhere, Keen." Liz turned around, punching him playfully in the arm.

"Who said I was being cheeky?"

The two continued to banter as they made their way to the coffee maker and filled up their mugs with coffee, exchanging insults and, in Liz's case, the occasional punch on the arm or playful shove. To anyone else, they might have seemed like a flirting couple. After they'd finally gotten refills on their coffee and were making their way back to their office, their argument calmed down a little bit. Following Ressler up the stairs, Liz took a sip of her coffee, feeling a bit more awake and a lot more cheery after having a lighthearted argument with Ressler. When they had neared the top, Ressler taking the final step up onto the landing where their office was, Liz went to follow suit, but not before her foot caught on the final step, causing her to lose her balance.

"Ah!" She cried out as she fell into Ressler, knocking him off balance too. His arms immediately came up around her, trying to steady her fall, but she'd already knocked him too far off balance. With his arms still holding tightly to her waist, the two crashed to the floor, Ressler grunting as he took the brunt of the fall. Their coffee mugs slipped out of their hands as they were falling, spilling coffee all over their impeccable suits and the floor, their mugs thudding harmlessly to the carpeted floor. The two lay in shock for a moment, unsure of what to do, before Liz finally groaned, pushing herself up and off Ressler's chest. Ressler tried to sit up too, his arms sliding away from Liz's waist as he slowly sat up. Liz tried not to think about the fact that Ressler holding her hadn't felt wrong or weird to her, as Ressler tried not to think about how he'd liked holding her; had _wanted _to keep holding her, in fact. God, what was wrong with him? Before he could question himself further, however, Liz was in his face, yelling if he was okay. Groaning, Ressler shifted away from Liz.

"Jeez, Keen, i just fell. Give me a break." Liz quickly scanned for injuries, her gut twisting with guilt. If he was injured, she'd never forgive herself.

"Yes, I know you fell! Are you okay? That was a hard fall, not to mention you had me on top of you." Ressler grunted as he tried to smooth out his suit, the grey material now stained a dark brown from the coffee.

"I'm fine, Keen, really. All I'm worried about is if this coffee's gonna come out of my suit." Liz snorted.

"Wow. That's your biggest worry right now, huh?" Ressler gave an annoyed sigh.

"Yes, Keen, it is. This is my favourite suit." Liz burst out laughing at that, not able to contain it anymore.

"Oh, you'll live. I'm sure that'll come out with a few dry-cleans." Ressler chuckled along with her for a moment before finally stopping to look at her, scanning her for wounds.

"Are you alright? Did you twist your ankle or anything when you tripped on that stair?" Liz shook her head, smiling.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks for, you know, catching me." Ressler chuckled.

"Anytime, Keen." They shared a sweet smile before snapping back to reality, Liz reaching to grab the mugs.

"We should probably go get cleaned up and clean this up," Liz laughed, beckoning for Ressler to follow. He reluctantly got up and followed her down the stairs, teasing her the whole way as Liz clipped back with her own teasing. It all felt so natural for the both of them, being together; they might not have recognized it then, or before, but they would soon; they were simply made for each other.


	3. Chapter 3

Say You Won't Let Go Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey everyone, welcome to the third chapter of my story! It's a more lengthy one, so I hope you enjoy!**

Weeks and weeks had passed since the whole coffee ordeal, when Liz and Ressler had tripped and spilt it all over themselves.

They had grown overly close in these last few weeks, always lingering close to each other and never going beyond arms reach unless they absolutely had to. It was sort of peculiar to the rest of the team; they'd always known that they were good friends and even better partners, but they'd never quite seen anything like _this. _

Nonetheless, they were happy for them. It was good for Liz to have someone, especially since she'd lost Tom not too long ago. The same went for Ressler, since he was usually such a lone wolf. There was obviously some heavy emotions and burdens that he held underneath his impregnable exterior, but he would never let them show. Unless, perhaps, to Liz.

Liz had to admit to herself that she'd never imagined that Ressler could be such good company, or support, for that matter. Of course, they'd always been close, but they'd never really delved into the realm of each other's feelings, with a few exceptions, of course. That bottomless pit always felt too deep, too raw to acknowledge with each other. And yet now, that was practically all they began to discuss with each other. It was amazing how much lighter it made her chest feel, how much it lightened her mood. She'd be lying if she said that seeing him everyday and getting to talk with him like this wasn't the highlight of her day. She hoped that it wouldn't just be a fleeting thing, that it wouldn't vanish as soon as it had really started.

But, like all good things, it only lasted for so long before it began to get bad again. Talking with Ressler had managed to chase away some of the demons that had been plaguing her nonstop since Tom's death, and she had been able to sleep most nights, but lately they'd all been coming back to haunt her.

Liz couldn't get a full night's sleep anymore without waking up screaming or in a cold sweat, and the fear that she felt in the aftermath was so strong she was certain she might pass out. Even sleeping with the lights on or with a gun right on her nightstand hadn't done anything; she was still screaming, still had insomnia, and still couldn't shake that crawling, gnawing fear.

It was only until Ressler noticed that she finally couldn't hide nor handle it anymore.

He'd noticed the one morning when she'd walked into the Post Office with dark, pronounced circles under her eyes, her movements so sluggish she could barely walk. He caught her arm just before they were about to head down to the war room for a briefing, his piercing blue eyes warm with concern.

"Liz, is something wrong? You look like you haven't slept in days." Liz tried to muster up a semi-positive smile to cover up her creeping emotions.

"I-I'm fine, I've just had a few restless night's sleep. But I'm good, no worries." The wall that she had so speedily constructed may as well have been made of glass, because Ressler saw right through it. He'd always been able to see right through her; she wasn't exactly sure why she'd thought that putting up a front would've have worked to ease his worries.

Brows furrowing, Ressler chuckled a bit. "You'll have to try a lot harder than that, Keen; I can tell that something's wrong. _Very _wrong." Liz sighed, raising her other hand to rub at her temples.

"Just...can we please talk about this later? We have a briefing to get to." Ressler continued to stare at her for a moment, his emotions warring between forcing Liz to open up and just letting it go until they had a spare moment to address it.

Finally, he sighed, letting go of her arm. "Fine, but we will talk about this later." Liz rolled her eyes playfully before starting down the stairs, Ressler following close at her heels as they prepared to hear their next Blacklister.

...

Reddington had cheerfully introduced their new target to them that morning, presenting him as Alex Karven. He was a well known drug dealer who was intermixed in several different cartels and drug rings, and was also recently starting to dip his feet into far more dangerous waters; he had begun hunting down agents, contacts, and basically anyone else that were instrumental to the government to sell for ransom at very high prices.

"He's certainly one of the bigger fish on my list," Reddington said with a coy smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I imagine you'll have fun chasing down this one." Making brief eye contact with everyone to make sure they understood the case, he gave another empty smile before fixing his brand new navy and grey fedora neatly atop his head and striding confidently out of the room towards the elevator, Dembe in tow.

Cooper immediately began making assignments, sending Liz and Ressler out to investigate a new lead that Aram had unearthed while Reddington had been speaking, and Samar to research other possible leads that they could pursue.

Everyone jumped to their tasks, ready to catch another dirty criminal and bring him in, as well as have another absolutely exhausting day. It seemed that every day was like that at the Post Office; nobody could really remember when they weren't haphazardly rushing to finish paperwork or desperately chasing a number of leads on a new case. Such was the norm.

...

Ressler and Liz drove in silence over to Mr. Karven's ex-wife's house (she was their lead, of course), both of them entirely unsure of what to say.

Ressler became more and more worried as the day dragged on; Liz seemed to hardly be able to focus, and when she thought he wasn't looking, she would briefly close her eyes and begin to fall into a deep sleep before she forced herself to jolt awake again, eyes wide as saucers.

He still wasn't exactly sure what was going on, and it was eating him alive, but there wasn't enough time to ask her about it while they were on a case.

Ressler resolved to asking when they returned to the Post Office, and kept a worried eye trained on Liz for the rest of the day as her condition only began to worsen.

...

Finally, at the end of the day, when they had interrogated Karven's ex-wife and come up with a plan on how to track him down, Ressler caught Liz again in their office as they were both supposed to pack up to leave.

Liz hadn't even started yet, her papers and books and everything else still on a neat pile on her desk instead of in her bag. It was extremely unusual for Liz to be so unorganized, and it was even more unusual for her to be sitting at her desk with her hands in her lap, gaze downcast and completely crestfallen.

Unable to take it anymore, Ressler silently closed the office door to give them some semblance of privacy before crossing the room in a couple of broad steps to stand by her desk.

Leaning back against the wall, Ressler crossed his arms over his chest before speaking.

"Talk to me, Keen. You've been off all day, and it's been aggravating because I have no idea why. And don't think that I didn't notice, because it was plain as day." Liz brushed a hand over her eyes before moving them to meet his, and he was surprised to find that they glistened with tears. Liz was silent for a moment before speaking.

"I-It's fine, Ressler, you don't have to worry about me," she whispered, turning in her chair to face her computer. Ressler clenched his jaw before trying again, forgetting how stubborn she could be.

"Keen, tell me. I'm worried about you and I can't just leave you in this mopy state. It's not like you." Liz bit her lip before trying to brush him off again, but it was to no avail. He wouldn't budge.

"Honestly, Ressler, stop worrying-"

"_Keen._" His voice turned sharp and stern as his eyes bore into her, forcing her to look up and stop trying to evade his attempts to help her. Breathing a sigh, Liz finally felt the emotions that she'd been trying to hide come rushing to the surface, far faster and harder than she'd expected, and after a moment, she choked on a sob before bursting into tears.

Ressler was unsure what to do in that moment, watching as Keen buried her face in her hands and her tears dropped onto her wooden desk silently, shining like starlight under the bright fluorescent lights that hung above their heads. He'd comforted her before by holding her in his arms, but she had been the one to initiate it. Was it appropriate now? Would she draw away from him?

He'd never been good with crying people, with comforting them. But it only took a moment for him to gently lean over and place a hand on her shoulder, squeezing as he made a decision to comfort her, in whatever way possible, however minimal.

"Liz," he said gently, trying to coax her from her crying state. But she continued sobbing, clearly unable to get a handle on her emotions.

"Liz," he said again, a bit firmer this time as he continued to squeeze her shoulder. He could feel the tension that had been knotting up there slowly releasing, but he knew it wasn't enough.

"Liz, it's okay. Just tell me what's been happening. Let me help you." It took him a few more tries, but she finally began to uncurl from her little shell, removing her hands from her face and sniffling. Even though he knew he shouldn't, Ressler couldn't help gently wiping her tears away, unsure if he imagined Liz leaning into his touch or not.

Her eyes were now bright red and puffy, her skin blotchy, but she took a deep, shuddering breath to steady herself before speaking.

"I can't sleep," she whispered, her voice so low Ressler almost couldn't hear.

"I can't sleep, because all of my nightmares keep coming back to haunt me, and they're so realistic and so traumatizing, but I can't control them no matter what I do, and I hate it and I just want them to be gone so that I can sleep again." The words came out in a rush, and Ressler felt his heart fill with sympathy as Liz began to cry again, now clearly seeing why she'd been so off.

It was heartbreaking, really. To see that her heart was branded with so many scars, that she was burdened with pain and fear and trauma beyond anyone's comprehension. Nobody should have to experience the pain that she was feeling. Nobody.

"Keen, come here," he said quietly, now desperate to hold her and try to take away some of that pain. She deserved to have someone look out for her, deserved to have someone at her side. Liz looked shocked for a moment, and another tear slipped down her cheek before she shook her head.

"I can't-" But her words were cut off as Ressler grabbed her hand, pulling her to feet as he wrapped his arms around her. Liz tensed up for a moment before finally relaxing, sobbing once again as she wrapped her arms tightly around him, crying into his chest.

They stood for a while like that, Liz letting out her emotions as Ressler just continued to hold her. He rubbed comforting circles on her back, his heart tearing a little with every sob that escaped her throat. He'd thought that his problems, his demons that were plaguing him were bad. Clearly, they were nothing compared to hers.

After a few more moments of sobbing, Ressler's shirt becoming overly damp with the exorbitant amount of tears Liz had shed, he came up with an idea. She might not agree to it, and that was fine, but he thought that it was probably her best option as of this moment. And for him, too, as he certainly didn't want to leave her alone.

"Come and stay at my apartment for a couple of days," Ressler said, and he heard Liz's sobs pause for a moment and her breath hitch as she drank in his words.

"It's fine if you don't want to, but I don't want to leave you alone, Keen. I think you need somebody right now." Liz's shuddering breaths were the only sounds for a long moment.

"I don't want to intrude," she said finally, her voice almost tinged with embarrassment. Ressler chuckled.

"Don't worry, Keen, you won't be. Not in the slightest." Liz considered for another moment before she sighed.

"If you really don't mind...then I'd love to. Because I really don't want to be alone, either." Ressler smiled a little at that.

"Then what are we waiting for? Let's get you back to my place. You need to sleep."

...

It only took them a few minutes to pack up, get in the car, and head to Ressler's apartment, the drive silent and calm as the streetlights flickered overhead and the city shone in the distance.

Once they made it to the building, Ressler smoothly parked the car and helped Liz grab her bags, idle chatter passing between them as they made their way to the elevator and rode it up to Ressler's floor.

Once they got into the apartment, Ressler put down Liz's bags on the kitchen counter and allowed her to use the one bathroom first so that she could clean up and get ready for bed, saying that she was allowed to use whatever she needed and that she could take her time.

After thanking him, Liz went to wash her face and take out her hair, the cool water gliding over her skin making her feel a slight bit better as she washed away her makeup. Ruffling her hair as it fell over her shoulders, she smiled a bit at her reflection. She felt a whole lot better.

Walking back out into the living room, Liz found Ressler watching TV, a beer in hand and demeanour more relaxed as he watched a rerun of some old soap opera. Liz smiled as she walked over.

"I'm really sorry to have to ask this, but do you have any spare clothes or something I can wear to sleep? I only have my suit." Ressler chuckled before putting down his beer, getting up and making his way to his one bedroom.

"It's fine, Keen. Nobody wants to wear their suit to bed." Rifling through some of his drawers, Ressler eventually found a plain white t-shirt that would clearly be oversized on her. Ressler handed it over before returning to digging through his drawers.

"Is that okay, Keen? Or should I keep looking?" Liz smiled.

"This is fine. I'll just get changed really quick, if you don't mind." Ressler nodded before exiting the room, closing the door behind him as he returned to his soap opera.

Liz quickly stripped off her layers, folding them in a neat pile before pulling Ressler's shirt over her head.

The fabric was soft as silk, sitting comfortably on her skin as she pulled on the corners in an attempt to make it fit better. The shirt was far too big on her, stretching about mid thigh and flopping awkwardly in the arms. But Liz loved it. It was probably the most comfortable shirt she'd ever worn.

Her favourite part, though, was the smell.

It smelled completely of Ressler, of his aftershave and cologne and the musky, manly scent that always seemed to surround him. Liz breathed it in deeply, smiling before she slowly opened the door to the bedroom, grabbed her clothes and deposited them by her bags, and went to join Ressler on the couch.

He'd already finished his beer, his attention now solely focused on the TV in front of him. He smiled when Liz sat down next to him, curling her feet underneath her.

"Aren't you going to get ready for bed?" She asked, and he shrugged.

"Maybe later. I'm feeling a bit lazy right now." Liz laughed before settling in to watch TV with him, smiling at the dramatics of the actors in the soap opera. It wasn't long before she felt her eyelids begin to droop, before she yawned and laid her head on Ressler's shoulder. He didn't even start, merely glancing down at her with a warm smile before returning to the show.

Liz's quiet snores slowly filled the room as she fell into a deep sleep, curled against Ressler's side. He finally clicked off the TV, deciding that he should get ready for bed. Turning and picking Liz up gingerly in his arms, he carried her to his bedroom, pulling back the covers of his bed and gently laying her down before pulling them back up around her shoulders.

She shifted a bit, but Ressler went to gently lay his hand on her shoulder as he'd done before, rubbing comforting circles as he coaxed her back to sleep.

After quickly grabbing a pair of his pj's from one of his drawers, Ressler silently exited the room and got ready for bed, grabbing an extra pillow and blankets from a storage closet to sleep on the couch. A few moments later, he was silently snoring, deep in the pit of sleep, just like Liz.

...

Liz awoke screaming, her stomach bunched up with fear and her eyes wild as she glanced around the room. Where was he? Where was he? Where was the man that had killed Tom? Was he coming for her? Was he plotting to kill her?

Liz screamed again, curling in on herself as her nightmares took over, too real and too near for her to ignore. Why was this happening? How could she make it go away? Sobbing, Liz wrapped her arms around herself as she tumbled further into a pit of fear and despair.

Ressler jolted awake at the first scream, his sleepy senses quickly becoming alert as he realized the scream was Liz's.

Shoving off his blankets, he quickly stood, moving towards his room as fast as he could, forcing himself to move even faster when he heard the second scream.

Bursting through the door, he found a shaking and sobbing Liz, arms wrapped around herself and body curled into a near ball on the bed.

His heart strained at the sight, and he rushed to her side, putting a hand on her arm.

"Liz?" She immediately slapped away his arm, scooting farther back on the bed as her breathing became ragged.

"Who are you?" She whispered timidly.

"Liz, it's me, Ressler," he said calmly, reaching out his hand again.

"It's Ressler. You have nothing to be afraid of." Liz slowly moved her head to peek up at him, tears streaked down her face and eyes red as she gazed at him, his face bathed in moonlight coming in from the window on the other side of the room.

Finally recognizing his face, she unfurled herself, moving to sit on her knees as she began to sob again.

"Oh, Ressler, I-I'm so sorry, I had another nightmare, a-and I-I was so afraid and I.." she trailed off, sobbing into her hands as she trembled.

Ressler slowly sat down on the bed, facing her.

"Keen, you don't have to apologize. I can see how scared you are, how vulnerable you are. I just don't understand why you didn't tell me about this earlier." Liz continued sobbing, before stammering,

"I-I didn't want to worry you." Ressler let out a quiet chuckle before reaching out to grab Liz's arm, gently pulling her hands away from her face.

"Come here, Keen." She stared at him for a moment before moving across the bed to get beside him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she sank into his aid for the second time that day.

She was shaking so hard Ressler could barely hold her, but he just rested his chin atop her head, rubbing her back and whispering comforts as he calmed her down.

She was like a noodle in his arms, completely weak, but he didn't mind. She could be vulnerable around him; she could be weak around him, and he wouldn't care, because he'd always be here to protect her, to hold her head above water.

"You always worry me, Keen," he finally whispered silently against her head.

"I think that just comes with caring about someone as much as I care about you." Liz gripped him tighter, sighing as she finally began to calm down.

"Thank you, Ressler," she said after a moment. "I care about you, too."

They stayed like that until Ressler felt her begin to completely calm down, and then he began to pull away.

"I guess I should leave you to sleep again," he said as he got up, turning towards the door.

"You're probably exhausted." But he hadn't even taken a step before a tentative hand gripped his arm, causing him to look back.

Liz's cheeks were a slight shade of red as she glanced down at the comforter, but she whispered,

"Would you...would you stay?" Ressler's eyes widened ever so slightly at her question. Was she really...asking him that?

Liz dragged her eyes up to his, pleading.

"Please. I-I don't want to be alone again." Ressler took another moment to process before he cleared his throat, turning back around.

"Of course," he said quietly.

And so, after he'd slid into bed beside her, pulling the comforter up around his shoulders, he took her into his arms, pulling her close against him.

Liz laid her head on his broad chest, closing her eyes as she also laid her hands on his chest, tucking herself into his side.

She immediately felt soothed and warm from Ressler's body heat as he massaged her back again, his movements causing her to feel more tired than before.

She couldn't remember the last time that she'd felt this safe while sleeping, the last time that she wasn't afraid of waking up screaming.

So she let herself tumble into the darkness of sleep, a smile frozen on her face against her protective partner.

And, for the first time in a long time, she had a peaceful, dreamless sleep, void of terrors, screaming, and sobbing.


	4. Chapter 4

Say You Won't Let Go Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you for continuing to read this far in my fanfic! I am very, very grateful for all of you readers!**

Liz woke up the next morning to hazy sunlight drifting through the blinds and the feeling that she'd just had the best sleep of her life.

Groaning softly as she began to open her eyes, her mind still slightly foggy with lingering tendrils of sleep, Liz started a bit when she realized that Ressler was still beside her.

Smiling as she turned to see his face, Liz propped her chin on a hand, her heart doing backflips of its own accord as she watched him doze silently beside her, his arm that had been draped languidly around her shoulders slipping to fall to the warm sheets.

Liz felt her breath catch for a moment as she fully took in how handsome Ressler looked in this moment; she'd never really taken the time to appreciate his good looks before, but she certainly could now.

His blond hair looked almost silvery in the sunlight filtering through it with ease, the strands unkempt and messy in a way that made him look much more boyish compared to the polished, impeccable agent that Liz was so used to seeing. It was utterly adorable, not to mention that it made him even more attractive.

His full lips were slightly parted and painted in shadows, the dipping arches and pointed bows looking so enticing that Liz almost had the urge to press her lips to his for a moment, if only to see how they would taste.

His skin was even paler beneath the sunlight, but it still looked smooth and perfect, as if someone had chiseled away all of his impurities to leave behind an unblemished, perfectly sculpted face.

Last but not least, his eyes were closed, his long lashes grazing the skin on his cheek as they fluttered slightly.

Liz felt a warm, tingly feeling build in her chest as she continued to gaze at him. Donald Ressler was...how could she put it...harsh, unrelenting, righteous, stuck-up, and so stubborn that she sometimes wanted to scream.

But, more than all of that, he was the kindest, most caring person she'd ever met, courageous, brave to the point that Liz wondered if he had any limits, and the most dedicated, driven person she'd ever encountered.

He might not always show his soft sides, but...Liz had seen them countless times. And she had to say that those were the parts of him that she loved the most. Those were the parts that made her smile, the parts that allowed her to believe that someone in this twisted world of hers might actually care for her, might actually love her for who she was instead of who she was involved with.

But, of course, she loved every part of him. Donald Ressler was one of the few people in her life that she could say she trusted and cared for implicitly.

Hardly thinking as she let her mind run rampant with her thoughts, Liz reached out a hand to brush through Ressler's thick locks, the smooth strands slipping easily through her fingers and getting the tiniest bit more mussed up with every stroke. She couldn't help but chuckle at the sight, the sound jocular and sweet.

As Liz thought about all of the reasons that she loved her partner, she also couldn't help but let the thoughts that scared her the most plague her mind.

She was always so scared that she might lose him, that she might get him hurt or that he might not be there someday for her to lean on. She knew that it was always a possibility given how dangerous their jobs were, but the mere thought still made her want to cry.

It was a terrifying thought, and one that crossed Liz's mind far too often. She felt a pit of despair open up in her and threaten to swallow her whole as she kept on debating those thoughts, kept on letting herself fall farther and farther, with nothing to yank her back.

It wasn't until Ressler began to stir that Liz was pulled out of her trance, quickly swiping a hand across her eyes to wipe away the glimmering tears that had begun to form there. She'd already cried in front of Ressler more than enough times. She didn't need to again.

Withdrawing her hand from massaging through his silky hair before he noticed, Liz sat back and fought the blush creeping up her cheeks and neck as Ressler slowly got up, his lean muscles pellucidly visible through his thin shirt as he stretched. He turned lithely to meet Liz's gaze, an easy smile slipping across his face as he did so. The gesture made Liz's heart skip a beat.

_God, why am I such a mess around him lately? _She chastised herself. She seemed to be falling apart around him, in far more ways than one; and many of those ways, she didn't want to admit what they were.

"Morning, Keen," Ressler said as he brushed a hand through his hair exactly as Liz had done earlier, leaning back on his forearms as he did so, that irritably handsome grin still stretching from ear to ear. It took Liz some effort to form words, but once she did, she replied softly,

"Good morning. How'd you sleep?" Ressler chuckled lightly.

"That was the best sleep I've had in a long time," he said, and Liz let a small smile cross her face.

"What about you?" Ressler said as he stared at her. It was Liz's turn to laugh this time as she sank back into the pillows that were piled up behind her.

"It was the same for me," she said finally, letting out a sigh as she laid on the overly soft cushions beneath her.

"I...almost don't want to wake up," she confessed quietly, fingering the edge of the sheets as she waited for his response. She wasn't even sure if he'd heard her.

Ressler just shifted, turning on his side to face her as she continued to slip her fingers over the smooth, comfy fabric.

"Are you okay, Keen? Is anything else still bothering you?" Liz flicked her eyes up to his, tugging her lips up into a smile as she stared into his stunning blue eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, of course; sorry, I'm still trying to wake up is all." Ressler snorted at that, his lips tilting back up into another smile. His smiles seemed to come easier these days, she'd noticed. She wondered why.

Liz debated for a moment if she should tell Ressler about her worries for him, if she should confess that she cared about him so much it hurt, that she was deathly afraid at the prospect of losing him. But she was afraid of what implications would drag along with those statements, as well as what Ressler would say or think in response.

Swallowing back her worries, and choosing to keep her mouth shut, Liz sighed as she took a moment to stretch out her tired muscles, the pulling sensation feeling wonderful as she prepared to get up.

Ressler did the same, pushing back the sheets of his bed in a fluid motion and standing up.

"Well, if you're really okay, Keen, I think that I'll go and cook something up for breakfast. You can keep on resting if you want," Ressler said as he made his way to his bedroom door. Liz quickly got up, running to follow him.

"Hey, wait, let me help-"

She forgot how slippery the floors of his apartments were, however, because she quickly lost her balance, letting out a yelp and a tiny shout of "Ressler!" in warning as she began to crash to the floor.

Her fall ended up being quite short-lived anyways, as Ressler whirled around at her yelps, quickly slipping his arm around her waist and breaking her fall easily with his strong grip as he pulled her protectively against him. For what it was worth, he had a remarkably fast reaction time.

Liz let out a gasp, still trying to process what had just happened as she dangled in Ressler's arms, his concerned eyes meeting her own as she let out a shaky breath.

"You okay, Keen? You almost had a bad fall there." Liz let out a breathless laugh, managing a nod as she laid a hand over her chest, trying to calm her racing breaths.

"I'm fine, thank you for catching me. I'm so sorry, though, Ressler. I really didn't mean to fall, I'm such a klutz-" her words were cut off as Ressler pulled her to her feet in a whoosh, her hands instinctively moving to wrap around his neck as she was thrown off balance once again.

Ressler set her gently back on her feet, his own breathing ragged as he became aware of how close they were in that moment, their eyes locking once again as they became enveloped in each other's presence.

Liz hadn't made any move to remove her arms from around his neck, and she found that she didn't want to; she wanted to keep holding him, and she wanted him to keep holding her.

They continued to gaze at each other, still lost in one another's eyes, before Liz finally came to her senses, clearing her throat softly as she allowed her hands to slip slowly from around Ressler's neck, her cheeks and neck now a flaming red.

Ressler moved to do the same, his hands sliding from her waist and leaving frigidly cold spots as he took a step back, clearly trying to be respectful and give Liz space even when all she wanted was for him to step back, take her into his arms and never let go. She'd only been away from him for a few moments, and yet she found herself yearning for his warmth, his sense of protection, his kindness and caring nature that were like a lifeline.

Wanting to break the sudden tense silence, Liz brushed a rogue strand of hair behind her ear before speaking.

"I'm, uh, I'm really sorry again, Ressler," she said quickly, the words spilling out in a rush as she said them. Ressler allowed himself to look up, his eyes filled with amusement and mirth as he replied,

"It's fine, Keen. You have nothing to apologize for; you can't control the fact that you slipped." Liz smiled at that, placing her hands on her hips as she playfully surveyed the floors like an engineer assessing a building.

"Speaking of which, why are they so damn slippery? They're like a death trap for clumsy people like me." Ressler let out a laugh at that, the tension in the air quickly disapating as she joined in with his fun. After a few moments, when both of their stomahs were aching, Ressler sighed, grabbing Liz's hand as he steered her toward the kitchen.

"Alright, come on, Keen, let's go make some breakfast. Try not to slip this time." Liz couldn't help the giddy grin that crossed her face as she followed him eagerly, her pulse thundering and her emotions running haywire.

She realized that this time, Ressler had just taken her with him rather than give her the option of staying and sleeping some more. It was a sweet gesture, to Liz at least; it showed that he wanted her there with him, rather than giving her the option of distancing herself.

That easy grin never left Liz's face as she helped Ressler cook up eggs and bacon, their laughs echoing around the walls as they joked and their smiles lighting up the room with every warm glance and flickering touch.

As she plated their food, and shared one last triumphant look with Ressler before digging in, Liz couldn't help but think that this was quite possibly the happiest she'd been in a long, long, long time.

...

A couple of hours later, the two blossoming lovers found themselves back at the Post Office, Liz in a fresh teal and black suit that she'd nabbed from her apartment that morning before her and Ressler had gone to work and Ressler in his own handsome navy suit with a freshly pressed white shirt and matching tie.

The Post Office was abuzz with activity as usual, the phones constantly ringing and the amicable chatter from the agents filling the cavernous space.

The team was still tracking Alex Karven, their Blacklister from the previous day, and they now had a set plan to catch him, with the help of Reddington of course. Their plan was to raid an abandoned warehouse on the far side of D.C where his ex-wife had said he'd gone every so often to check on the "belongings" that he'd stored there.

Of course, they assumed that that must be where he'd been stashing his drugs, and they hoped that he'd also be doing one of his quality checks at the same time. If he wasn't, however, then hopefully they might find clues to his whereabouts lingering around the place.

Reddington offered his help with tracking down the criminal if they didn't find him, so he decided to stay back at the Post Office with Aram until further notice while Liz and Ressler moved out to begin their search for Mr. Karven.

"I'll let you two handle the explosive dirty work," he'd said in farewell with a tight smile as Liz and Ressler had climbed into the Post Office's elevator, rolling their eyes as they did so.

Mulitple SWAT teams along with one of the FBI's sleek black Escalades with Liz and Ressler inside drove down the busy streets of Washington D.C, sirens blaring as they wove around the shiny multicoloured cars populating the road.

They'd decided to carry out the operation later in the afternoon, so bright sunlight welcomingly drifted into the car from the fiery orb hanging in the sky, setting everything in the car awash with white light. It was a beautiful day, at least.

It didn't take long for them to reach the address Aram had provided, the beat down, rusty warehouse squatting on the side of an empty street further out of the city blending in perfectly with its bleary, mundane surroundings.

Had they not known what dangers it beheld, the agents probably would've avoided it. But they knew all too well what was lingering beneath that carefully crafted facade.

Stopping their caravan of cars with a squeal, the teams jumped out of their vehicles, Liz and Ressler ensuring that their tactical gear was secured before drawing their guns and following the running SWAT teams to the lone door situated on the front of the warehouse.

At Ressler's command, they kicked down the door, pouring into the massive, dark space that opened up beyond like water into a glass as they surveyed what lay beneath.

By the time Liz and Ressler squeezed in, the teams had unearthed piles upon piles of drugs, ranging from cocaine to meth to ectasy to fentanyl. They were all in huge bags that weighed at least a pound each, the white powder sitting in each one like phantom dust glimmering slightly in the luminous light of their flashlights.

"Oh my God," Liz breathed as she took in the never-ending amounts of drugs stacked to the rafters in the warehouse.

"I can't believe he has his hands buried in this big of an amount of drugs," she said incredulously as she continued to sweep her gaze around.

"Yeah," Ressler replied slowly as he tried to take it all in himself. Alex Karven was clearly far more than their run-of-the-mill drug dealer.

"No sign of Karven yet?" Ressler asked a SWAT team captain when he appeared at his side to report, and the captain affirmed his question by replying negative. So Alex wasn't here...or wasn't here yet.

"Well, we'll keep an eye out for him," Liz said matter-of-factly, taking over command as Ressler stepped away to inspect some of the drugs that another team was continuing to dig out. They needed to know exactly what they were dealing with here.

"We'll set a perimeter. Be on you guard, because we don't know if they'll try to surprise us or not," she continued, and the team captain nodded swiftly.

"Yes, ma'am," he said affirmatively before turning to bark orders at his squad, the soldiers nodding and moving outside of the warehouse to form a secure line moments after the words had left his mouth.

The warehouse lay silent for a while, the teams continuing to try to sift through the copious amounts of drugs as they searched for anything else that may be of value hiding within the stacks.

Liz felt exhaustion begin to creep up on her as she swept away bags of drugs with her one hand, flashlight in the other, Ressler beside her copying her movements.

"Do you think we'll actually find anything?" She finally said skeptically to Ressler, and he stood up for a moment, wiping sweat from his brow and taking a breath as he moved his eyes to hers.

"I don't know, Keen. We can't answer that question unless we keep looking." Letting out a resigned sigh, Liz leaned back over, knowing he was right as she pushed aside more and more bags, her arms growing tired and her movements becoming sluggish.

She was just about to complain to Ressler again when one of the windows that were situated farther up shattered, the glass raining down as she registered shouts coming from the soldiers outside.

"What's happening?" she yelled as she held a hand above her head to protect herself from the deadly sharp shards continuing to rain down, instinctively moving her body closer to Ressler as he drew his gun.

"Alex Karven is here, ma'am! He's brought his own forces and is currently engaging ours!" A soldier nearby shouted as his gun rang with shots fired toward the door.

Breathless, Liz gulped as she drew her gun, pointing it at the doors as the SWAT member had.

"When did they get here?" she yelled to Ressler over the cacophony of noises, the shadows of unknown figures appearing in the doorway as they began to fire back at their teams, some members dropping as they became either dead or wounded. It was a full-on ambush; Karven had cornered them.

"I don't know," Ressler shouted back as he fired shot after shot, the bullet cases dropping to the ground with a dull clatter.

"He cornered us though, that's for sure," he yelled again, and Liz nodded at him, firing her own shots as the final intruders filtered into the warehouse.

There were ten of them at least, all cloaked in black and carrying heavy machine guns, save for the person at the very front, who was wearing a black ensemble and bullet proof jacket, but no helmet or protective head gear like the others.

As Liz squinted at him, she realized that it was Karven, the angles of his face perfectly matching those of the pictures embedded in her memory from his file. How convenient that he'd chosen to show his face rather than hide it.

"Ressler! Ressler, that's him! In the front with no hood!" Ressler stopped shooting for a second as he looked, squinting to see the man's face. Once he recognized it, Ressler nodded at her.

"Let's focus on shooting down his goons first, and then we'll deal with him after." Liz nodded, drawing her gun again as she took aim at the black shapes that looked like wispy ghosts firing beside Karven.

"Sounds like a plan."

The air continued to be filled with the ringing noises of gunshots and the screams of people dying or becoming injured as the fight escalated. The remaining members of the SWAT teams managed to shoot down half of Karven's men, while Liz and Ressler shot down a couple more.

After at least an hour had passed, a mass of bodies lay in the warehouse, Karven and his two remaining men standing panting on one side while Liz and Ressler stood panting with the remaining members of their own teams on the other.

"You can give up now, Karven," Liz said as she held her gun, aimed straight for his head.

"You can give up now and you might have a chance to live." Karven just guffawed at that, wiping a trail of blood that had splattered on his cheek from one of his dead men as he stared at her.

"You and I both know that we'll die either way, you filthy fed. I'll fight until your pretty head is rolling on the ground next to your comrades." Liz gritted her teeth at that, letting out a breath as Ressler stepped closer to her, training his gun on Karven.

"Have it your way, then, Karven. I'll make _your_ head roll just for those comments that you spat out of your disgusting mouth." Karven laughed again at that, a smirk crossing his face as he took in Ressler, who was now standing right in front of Liz, shielding her as she protested and tried to see around him.

"Well, well, look what we have here. A protective lover. You must care about this girl a lot if you're willing to take a shot for her, since I'll be embedding a bullet in that head of yours any time now." A muscle flickered in Ressler's jaw at that, and Liz didn't even have the sense to breath as she took in his words behind Ressler.

They...they weren't lovers, were they? No, they couldn't be, they'd always just been friends...

But the more that Liz thought about it, the memories of what had begun to transpire in the past few months between them grew increasingly evident as she thought of how their relationship had grown from being close friends to standing on the precipice of lovers.

Every touch had grown warmer, every smile had been brighter, every beat of her heart had practically skipped and gone in circles when she was around Ressler, and then grown so incredibly lonely when they were apart...

What she'd been trying to ignore and brush off up until now had suddenly become clear to her, like sh'd seen her reflection in a looking glass, and she couldn't hide what that feeling was anymore.

The simple fact was that she had fallen deeply in love with Donald Ressler. And that revelation was both so freeing she wanted to laugh and so terrifying she wanted to cry.

But as Liz watched Ressler continue to stare at Karven, a death wish in his eyes, she reached out to gently touch his arm.

"Ressler, don't. He's not worth it. Let's just arrest him and bring him back to the Post Office for Cooper to deal with." Ressler instantly snapped out of his brooding stance at her touch, and he turned to meet her gaze, letting out a deep breath as Liz nodded.

Pausing for a moment, Ressler eventually sighed before nodding back, holstering his weapon as he nodded to the SWAT team to arrest the remaining suspects.

They began to move, but before they could get close, Karven whispered,

"Oh, I don't think so." Faster than anyone could see, he swivelled his gun to point at Liz, pulling the trigger as he did so.

Liz moved to dodge the bullet whizzing through the air, but before she could, Ressler grabbed her, his strong arms shoving her aside and into safety as the bullet instead whizzed into his left shoulder.

As the SWAT team's gunshots rang out once again, Liz desperately fumbled toward Ressler, who was now lying unconscious on the ground, screaming his name as tears streaked down her face.

"No, no, no! Ressler!" She sobbed, rushing to his side as she took his head into her lap, her tears dripping onto his cheeks.

"No! Ressler, stay with me! Stay with me, Ressler! You can't die today! Not today!" She sobbed and sobbed and sobbed until the gunshots finally wore out, until they finally arrested Karven and his associates and shoved them into one of the vehicles, until they came over to grab Ressler and rush him to a hospital.

But as she followed them, running into the waiting ambulance with tears still streaming down her face, obscuring her view of Ressler lying motionless on the tiny stretcher inside the vehicle, and as she watched them try to resuscitate him again and again, she collapsed into a fit of hysterical sobbing, her chest aching so much she thought it might split apart.

He couldn't die. He just couldn't.

Because she hadn't gotten the chance yet to tell him just how much she loved him.


	5. Chapter 5

Say You Won't Let Go Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey guys! Here's the next chapter, I wrote it fairly fast as I didn't want to leave you all on that cliffhanger from last chapter too long. Hope you enjoy!**

Liz had no idea how long she'd been crying.

The ambulance had arrived at the hospital only moments ago, the sirens still blaring as they pulled up to the emergency room. Liz couldn't stop her tears, couldn't bring herself to let go of the vice-like grip she had on Ressler's left hand.

They'd managed to resuscitate him, after a long and terrifying few moments when he didn't respond to the shocks of the defibrillator, although his heartbeat was very weak. The paramedics had called it "sinus tach," although Liz had absolutely no idea what they meant. She didn't have enough experience in the medical field to understand the jarble of terms that were constantly flowing out of their mouths.

When they went to move Ressler into the hospital, fitting an oxygen mask over his face and urging Liz to let go, she shook her head and refused as she held on even tighter, sure she was turning his fingers blue. She couldn't let him out of her sight; she just couldn't.

Liz was so afraid that if she let the doctors take him, that something would go wrong; that he'd die on an operating table, alone and surrounded by beeping machines without anyone to say goodbye, that he'd arrest right then and there again, that he'd bleed out or just die. She couldn't live with that. She couldn't.

She screamed louder than she ever had when one of the doctors ripped her hand out of his, shouting at the other nurses and doctors surrounding him that he needed an OR booked stat, and that this man had a life-threatening G.S.W in his left shoulder (at least she knew what _that _was).

Ressler, she wanted to cry as they continued to talk in puzzling medical definitions to one another, as they simply labeled him as an around 40 FBI agent. His name was Ressler.

She collapsed on the floor of the ambulance, another couple of nurses running in from the hospital to come and comfort her as she screamed and screamed Ressler's name. She'd lost him. He was out of her sight.

She didn't know how long she sat there and let her tears dry out, how many times she'd screamed his name until her voice grew so hoarse she couldn't speak.

The nurses eventually persuaded her to let them lead her inside, taking her by the arms as they helped her down from the ambulance and through the large sliding doors of the ER. The smell of antiseptic and latex immediately mingled in Liz's nostrils, and she tried to keep her tears at bay as she remembered that Ressler was still here somewhere, that he could be dying right at this moment.

As she was steered down multiple hallways, finally emerging into a mostly empty waiting room, she had the good sense to ask hoarsely for someone to call Cooper, to call Aram or Samar, anyone on the task force. She couldn't do this alone; she needed them with her right now.

So she waited in the waiting room, trying her hardest not to cry as she distracted herself with staring at the ceiling or door for Aram and the others to burst through. They had to come. They had to.

After waiting for about twenty minutes, her heart racing in circles and her worry so prevalent she thought she might faint, Liz's hopes finally came true when Cooper, Aram, and Samar all came bursting through the main doors to the hospital at the same time, panting and overcome with shock as they searched for her.

Liz waved them down from her seat, relief washing away a fraction of her worry as she watched them run towards her once they spotted her moving hand. Aram reached her first, and he immediately enveloped her in a hug, squeezing her tight as she clutched him back.

"How is he?" Samar asked solemnly, her face downturned with sadness as she saw the evident emotion in Liz's face, the red-rimmed eyes and stuffy nose and gasping breaths.

"I'm not sure," Liz replied, her voice choked up with tears as she began to pull away from Aram, facing Samar and Cooper, who wore the exact same expression as Samar.

"They haven't given me an update yet. They said they would as soon as they could when I asked a couple of minutes ago." With an understanding nod from the three of them, they walked back to the seat that Liz had been in moments before, taking their places beside her as they waited with bated breath to hear any news from Ressler.

Swallowing back another sob when Samar took her hand and Cooper placed a warm hand on her shoulder, Liz kept her eyes on the doors that led out to the OR rooms, praying to any god that would listen that if a doctor came through those doors with news about Ressler, it was news that he'd survived.

...

A few hours later, with the clock ticking well into the night and all four of the task force members falling asleep on their chairs, a doctor came bursting through the OR doors, still dressed up in his surgical gear, complete with navy blue scrubs and a matching striped scrub cap.

"Is there an Elizabeth Keen here?" he asked, glancing at Ressler's chart in his hand. The nurses must have put her down as Ressler's family or friend after she'd told them her name when the nurses had calmed her down, because Liz didn't ever remember signing that she was on his chart.

But that didn't stop her from jolting up in her seat along with the rest of the task force, a hopeful look in her eyes as she waved quickly to the doctor.

"That's-that's me!" she cried.

"I'm Elizabeth Keen; I'm Ressler's partner, and these are the other members of our task force." She stood up as the doctor came over and quickly shook her hand, introducing himself as Dr. Warner as he also shook hands with her other three comrades.

"Well, I'm happy to inform you that we completed the surgery on Agent Ressler, and that it went remarkably well. We were able to remove the bullet and stop the bleeding, so as long as no other complications like infection arise, he should be able to recover nicely." Liz let out a long breath as she began to cry again for the thousandth time that day, hugging Aram, Samar, and Cooper as they all shared a relieved smile.

He was alright. He was going to be fine.

Dr. Warner listed out a couple of warnings about the complications that could arise, as well as how long Ressler could expect to be in the hospital for and when he could return to duty.

With an overly happy smile, Liz finally asked the one burning question that had been gnawing at her ever since the doctor had delivered the stunning news.

"When can we see him?" she asked breathlessly, eyes wide as she clasped her hands together. The doctor smiled.

"You can see him now, if you'd like. The anesthesia will be wearing off in a couple of minutes, so he should be awake soon." Liz didn't need to be told twice.

After asking the doctor to escort them to his room, Liz followed with quick steps and near impatience as the doctor led them up to the third floor and down a few corridors until they reached a tiny room, Ressler's name on the little plaque outside.

Liz and the others thanked the doctor before pushing open the dark wood door, laughing and smiling when they saw a peaceful Ressler sleeping on his bed, his vital signs strong and clear.

Cooper and the others stayed for a little while longer, chatting happily as they watched Ressler lying on the bed, his breaths still deep with sleep and his eyes still softly shut.

A long few moments passed, and after keeping Liz company for a while longer, the three agents finally got up and announced that they were leaving, saying that they wanted to get some sleep, and imploring Liz to call them in the morning so they could come visit again when he was awake.

She was slightly skeptical, wondering if they'd planned this as they seemed all too eager to leave, an almost knowing smile on their faces as they scooted out the door with little waves and sing-songs goodnights. Damn them. What were they up to?

Liz couldn't say that she wanted to complain, however, as the silence and beeping of machines took over the noise in the room, settling herself at Ressler's bedside as she grabbed his hand and stared at his face.

It was so much more peaceful now with nobody in the room; and if she was being honest, Liz wanted to have Ressler all to herself when he woke up. There were a lot of things that she needed to tell him, and she certainly didn't want any of the others to hear them. They were far too personal.

Checking her watch quickly, Liz reasoned that it wouldn't be long now until the anesthesia wore off and Ressler woke up. She couldn't wait; she wanted to see her grumbling partner again, wanted to crush him in a hug and cry until she couldn't cry anymore.

Distracting herself by looking out the window to her left, she thanked the gods that they had listened and that they'd given Ressler back to her, that he had survived the surgery and he was going to be alright. If he hadn't made it...she didn't know what she would do with herself. Living in a world without Ressler...that was something, she realized, she never wanted to happen as long as she lived.

Sighing, Liz shifted her gaze to her hand wrapped around Ressler's limp one. She stroked her thumb along it, wishing that his fingers could wrap around her own as she bit her lip. Waiting for him to open his eyes was absolute torture.

But her wishes for Ressler to wake up were quickly answered, because she saw Ressler's fingers tighten slightly around hers, saw his body shift and heard his gravely voice as he ground out,

"Keen?" Liz's gaze snapped up, her blue eyes meeting his own, barely cracked open ones, and she sat there for a minute, mouth hanging open and tears pooling beneath her lashes as she became uncertain of what to say.

"Keen?" Ressler related, slightly clearer this time. "What's wrong?" And that was it.

Like a dam that had broken, Liz's tears flowed down her cheeks, flying through the air as she let go of his hand and lunged at him, burying her face in his chest as she began to cry, the sobs racking through her body shaking the bed as she cried and cried and cried. She only remembered about his injury when she heard him grunt in pain, and she whispered a quick apology as she eased the slightest bit off him.

"You're awake," she whispered in between tears, her fingers clutching his white hospital gown with impressive strength.

"You're finally awake. You're really alright." Ressler shifted beneath her, and Liz sobbed even harder as he lifted his arms to rest them on her back lazily, his movements still sluggish with the remnants of the anesthesia.

"Jeez, Keen, what's wrong? You've never cried this hard before." Liz gulped in a few deep breaths before sitting up, Ressler's arms falling to the blankets as she stared at him, her breath hitching.

"You got hurt, that's what wrong, Ressler," she said thickly, her tears now wetting the blankets.

"Please don't ever do that again. And I mean _never. _I was-I was so damn scared...I really thought that you might die," she said, her voice breaking as she hiccuped. Ressler reached up, slowly brushing away her tears as she continued to sob.

"I'm sorry that I scared you, Keen," he said eventually, letting out a breath.

"But I'm just glad that it's me in this hospital bed right now, and not you." Liz wiped at her eyes again, chuckling weakly.

"You dummy," she whispered, and Ressler smiled at that, reaching to lay his hand on top of hers to offer some comfort.

"Did you guys at least catch Karven?" he asked after a moment, and Liz nodded, glad to finally have something positive to talk about.

"We did. He's in FBI custody now." Ressler nodded slightly, seeming relieved as he shifted against his pillows.

"That's great. I'm glad to hear it." Silence ensued after that, and Liz felt nerves bunch up inside her as she thought of what she had wanted to say. She knew that she needed to say it...and now would probably be her best chance.

But she couldn't help but wonder if that would make her whole world come crumbling down even more than it already had, if it would change her and Ressler's relationship for the worst, or if he wouldn't reciprocate her feelings.

Inhaling deeply, she closed her eyes for a moment, thinking of something Sam had said to her once a long, long time ago.

_If you love someone, you have to say it. It doesn't matter if you're scared, or if you're nervous. You have to tell them, because they deserve to know._

Letting out her breath, Liz scrounged up every last scrap of courage inside of her before she turned to face Ressler, clenching her jaw.

"Ressler, there's something that I really need to tell you." Ressler met her gaze, looking at her and raising his brows as if trying to figure out where she was going with this before nodding.

"Okay," he said, a slight hesitation in his voice. Liz gulped, shoving back the nerves that grew ten times stronger as she finally let out what she should've said a long, long time ago.

"I love you," she blurted, the words coming out in a rush as her cheeks turned crimson and she saw Ressler's brows nearly disappear into his hair.

"I love you, and I have for a long, long time, I think," Liz continued, her breathing having turned rapid as she bit her lip.

"I-I didn't want to admit it to myself before, and I certainly didn't want to tell you since I thought it might ruin our friendship, but I have to tell you now," she said, feeling tears form in her eyes again. Good Lord. How much was she going to cry today?!

"I-I love you so much that it hurts," she said, choking up.

"I just...I can't get you off my mind, and I feel like an emotional wreck when I'm with you and then I feel so lonely when I'm not with you and I want to kiss you so badly but I know that I shouldn't," she rambled on and on, and a tiny smile grew on Ressler's face the more that she said, until he finally began laughing.

Liz stopped mid-rant, feeling overly embarrassed as she watched Ressler laugh heartily. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen him laugh this hard, actually.

"What? What's so funny?" she asked, feeling fear creep over her. Oh no. She'd just made a mistake, hadn't she? A great, big, drowning mistake. He didn't like her back. He didn't. Of course he didn't. How could she have ever thought that he would?

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, I let my mouth run ahead of my brain and I got this all wrong," she said, fighting back tears as she slipped her hand from Ressler's and moved to get up.

"I'll get going now then-"

"Keen, Keen, wait," Ressler said, grabbing her wrist quickly before she could get away. Liz looked back at him, hurt and sorrow reflected in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Keen, I wasn't laughing about you being in love with me," he said, speaking quickly as he tried to get her to understand.

"I'm laughing because I'm in love with you too." Liz nearly fainted at that. Had he just said what she thought he did? Did he really love her like she loved him?

"Wha-" she started, but Ressler cut her off.

"I'm in love with you too, Elizabeth Keen," he stated firmly, his blue eyes boring into hers with such a passion that she wasn't sure she could stay upright.

"I love you, and I have for years. Far, far longer than you might think; I just never thought that I had a chance with Tom around." Liz found herself sinking to the mattress, breathing heavily as she continued to stare at him.

"You-you love me?" she asked quietly, as if he hadn't just said it seconds before.

"You love me? You really mean it?" Ressler smiled, moving his hands to intertwine them with hers as he pulled her closer.

"Yes, I do," he said gruffly, pulling her so close their lips nearly touched.

"I love you more than anything else, and I want more than anything to kiss you right now, but-" he stopped Liz as she began to lean in, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Not yet. You deserve a far better first kiss than one in a hospital room," he chuckled, and Liz pouted as she drew away slightly.

"But let me promise you this," he said quietly, grabbing her other hand and lacing his fingers through it.

"I _will _kiss you, as soon as I'm able to get out of this place. And when I do, it will be the most romantic kiss of your life," he whispered, causing Liz to smile a tiny bit as she felt excitement and longing for that day dance in her chest.

"Okay," she finally conceded, letting out a breath.

"I guess I'll just have to wait then," she said teasingly, and her and Ressler shared a smile.

"Unfortunately, you will," he said, his voice still gruff, "but not for long." Liz smiled again at that, a sudden thought coming to her mind as she squeezed his hands.

"Can I ask you for a favour, then?" she said lightly, looking imploringly at him. Ressler chuckled.

"Of course."

"Can you hold me? I'm terribly exhausted from staying up all night worrying about you, and I want nothing more than to fall asleep right now, right here in your arms." Ressler smiled the tiniest bit, and he reached forward, pulling her into his chest as he wrapped his arms as tightly as he could around her.

"You didn't even need to ask," he murmured onto her hair, and Liz closed her eyes with a sigh, allowing one more smile as she collapsed into his warmth, trying to be aware of his injury.

And that was how the two newfound lovers fell asleep that night, wrapped up in each other's arms as they dozed peacefully, the terror of the night far behind and the promise of the future lingering dazzlingly close.


End file.
